


Lying on the carpet with you.

by Tes_aes



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Borderline Personality Disorder, Childhood Trauma, Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-14 20:25:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13597722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tes_aes/pseuds/Tes_aes
Summary: It was so empty but there was so much there.





	Lying on the carpet with you.

**Author's Note:**

> this was personal but turned out well enough.

Silence protruded the area. The rooms’ occupants lay beside one another, seemingly fascinated with the ceiling. The elder of the pair heaved a deep breath and stretched his hands above his head. Edward turned his head and watched as Roy extended his limbs, back and elbows cracking. There was an uncomfortable twist in Edwards’s gut that he couldn't stretch out. It was bubbling up and seemed to be content on destroying him from the inside out.

Roy never turned to look at Edward, instead closing his eyes and apparently oblivious to the emotional and physical discomfort his companion was experiencing. Slowly, Edward turned to stare at the roof once more and let something similar to sadness cross his face.

"I'm so confused,"

"Hm?" Roy tilted his face towards Ed as his eyes snapped open.

"These feelings are eating me up but at the same time I feel nothing,"

Edward felt the lump in his throat hardened as he struggled to swallow. Talking about his feelings wasn't something he was comfortable with but he needed to get it out. Roy had known something was wrong the second he walked in; hence their positions on the floor of his lounge room. He may be a prick at times but he wanted to do right by the boy and offer him support.

"I don't care about anything and I am so... Bored? I'm bored of life? But I also care a lot and just want to cry and scream and break some things," Edward paused and worked on not bursting into tears, "why am I like this? I honestly want to die... I feel nothing inside and it hurts so much."

Roy was staring ahead as Edward rolled onto his side to look at Roy as he spoke, "I'm either angry or I feel nothing. Feeling anything similar to happiness is fleeting and it's just so messy I don't think I have the words to explain this.”

"It's okay Edward."

"But it's not," his voice was a whisper now, "I've done a lot of stupid things. More and more as this keeps going. I want attention but I don't want anyone to look at me. I think about hurting people. These urges are disgusting and I end up vomiting and messing up my body."

Roy turned to face Edward and placed a hand on the younger’s cheek. He couldn't fathom what Edward was feeling but he was desperate to help him. To relive some of the pain he was exhibiting and to help him work things out.  
  
"Ed," they were both lying on their sides facing each other now, "it's going to be ages before you figure anything out, but things won't be like this forever, don't give up. You have so many who care and we’re here to help you."  
  
There was a pause and Roy knew Edward had more to say. But it was hard for Edward. To understand what he was feeling when it was turned into nothing.  
  
"I want to know what's wrong with me," he frowned, "I barely remember anything and I can't _do_ anything. I just want to sleep but I can't sleep. I want to read but can't read. I just want peace but... I can't get it in any way that society will agree with. And I can't do that to Alphonse."  
  
Roy pulled Edward close and felt how the boy relaxed. He hugged him the way a father would, trying to calm Edward as he felt tears wet his shirt. He feigned calm while his stomach and mind continued to whirl. This was all he could do for now. Edward knew he would be okay but he just wanted to know when. It hurts and no one seems to understand this confusion.


End file.
